today was just another fcuked up day for me. i wonder what are the things that actually spoils my mood. friends? well, they are still there--i wished. i guess, they are having real fun out there. but nevermine, i just love being alone in the corner and listen to the dead silence piercing tru my ears. i'm just so emotionally fcuked up with my life and feeling so restless.

whats the cause of it? i wish i knew it.

met lala in the evening just to settle some things. an hour train ride to boon lay and an hour back to haugang all alone. concentrating on my novel all the time with my earphones contributing musics and start gazing on the humans around me. i smiled to myself and really wish to be in their soul. i really really envy all of them. they were like so happy with their love ones. where else, i'm just so fcuked up with my family and my surroundings.

i really hate being in this state of mind. i wish they knew it.

i'm not close with mother, father, brother and sister. i only get a chance to talk to them when we were fighting over major and even minor problems. other than that, we just remain silent. a very awkward silence. where is the love sia? am i like a stranger to my family? i'm truly lack of love. and, i really mean it. they pampered my other siblings more than myself.

and because of that, i like staying outdoor. i wish they knew it.

my daily routine? woke up for school and try my very best to go home late. reach home, and get out from my crib to meet my mates and sometimes prefer being undisturbed. around late evening, stare at the computer screen viewing peoples blog and reading about their happy days. and then slept all the way till a new day comes. and it goes on and on.

when can i have a simply pretty day? i wish i knew it.

honestly, me eyes now are flooded with tears and yet, it doesn't even roll down my cheek. call me an emo kid! i don't even care.

i just don't know what had really get into me. i really really wish i knew it.

i don't need any sympathy from anyone. i wrote this just for the sake of clearing my hearts and soul. i don't own any diaries which supposingly to be wrote down by ink. i'm treating this as one--an online diary.